I sit at the bar
Cloaked by dim light
A stereo gapes in front
And I try to squirrel
Some truths from its lush tunes.
Another beer
As a couple lands to my right
They talk incessantly
And the beer goes fast
The man's words hold me
Because only a year ago
They would have been mine.
Words wrought by desire
Delivered in relentless pursuit
Of that fleeting goal.
But things have changed
Now there is a woman in this world
Wearing a ring I gave her
Now there is an unseen platform beneath my feet
It is solid
In all the ways I am not.
When I gave her the ring
I remembered my first long run
And the feeling I could rise above anything
I remembered finally leaving home
And all things feeling possible.
But as she said yes
Those moments of elevation
Where I felt above the angst, dissatisfaction, and isolation
Somehow were less true
As I realized
With genuine feeling
I would always feel like that now.
Another beer
The man keeps talking
I glance at his turned back
And realize he is reaching for something
I no longer value
So I pivot back to the stereo
To its open smiling maw
Finish my beer
And message her.